Talk among fathers.

As you may or may not know our youngest daughter was married a few weeks ago in the Mount Timpanogos Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was a wonderful experience for all of the family who could be there (at least from my perspective). I only mention it here again to set the scene for a conversation I had with a young father who is a cousin  to my new son-in-law. There were a lot of young children at the reception following the ceremony so I am not completely certain how many were his but I know that he has at least one daughter and she is who we spoke about during the evening festivities.

I was sitting alone at a table consuming a little nourishment about halfway through the reception. The dancing had started and I was observing the interaction between all the family and friends who had gathered for the celebration. Cindy and our children and their families were involved in their own conversations and refreshment consumption and I was able to observe the loving interaction among my family but also among the extended Esplin family who came to show support and love to the newlywed couple. It was a moment that will live in my memory for many years to come. After a few minutes I was joined by this young family as they chose to sit and relax for a few moments. Father, Mother, and (I recall) three children. The kids were starting to get tired and a bit restless so Mom got up after just a few minutes and took them on a walk around the garden to keep them distracted, and to see others of their extended family.

Their father finished the food on his plate and turned to me and asked if I was the father of the bride? I indicated that yes Kelli is my youngest daughter and the last of my children to marry. He then asked with all sincerity "how do you do it?" "I love my cousin, in fact I think he is one of the finest people I know, but, how can you as her dad, let her go?" He went on to add, "I look at my daughter and I can't imagine how you can let go and allow her to lose her innocence and begin to live life as a married woman."

I looked at him and recognized the real concern in his countenance and knew that this needed a more thoughtful answer than I might give in this setting normally. I gave him a little background about this daughter of mine who he had only met that day. He needed to understand a little about who she is and what had brought her to this point in her life. I also reminded him that I have four other daughters who had made the choice to marry and begin family life in whatever form it would take for them. I told him that my answer if he asked me this question at Stefanie's reception might have been a little different than following the fifth daughter's marriage. Though, in retrospect, probably not as different as I was thinking that evening.

I also talked with him about our family history of parents, grandparents, and great grandparents who had married once and for life. Marriage is a commitment that our family makes very thoughtfully and seriously. And finally I shared the thought with him that when his daughter reached an age and time where she would make this choice; he would find that he also was ready to accept that choice. He would have watched her and her love go through the machinations of getting there, and that would help him to realize that the decision was not random or happenstance. He was not comforted by the thought but I hope he understood that as he and his children grow together over the next decade or two he will begin to understand for himself the truth of the conversation.

Fatherhood is an opportunity for a man to grow and become someone even more worthwhile than the sum of the gifts and talents he has developed in life. Each of us, as fathers, hope for our children to have a better existence than we have. Part of the process of helping them along this better path is letting go and even encouraging them to take baby steps or giant leaps to arrive at a greater destination. That young father will learn when to let them leap as they grow up together.

That is all for now. Thanks for checking in. More to come soon.