"Heaven give you many, many merry days." William Shakespeare

It has been almost two weeks since I posted here. Partly because life in the slow lane is at times more quick moving than I care to handle, and partly because I could not settle on a topic that I might address on this page. My stated purpose with this blog is to inform friends and family of events and happenings in life - both current and retrospective. Today will be more current oriented, I think.

Our youngest child (Kelli) will be married this Friday the 28th of June to a terrific, faithful, faith-filled man (Tyler Esplin) whom she fell for years ago ("we're just friends Dad") even if neither of them would admit to it. She had a goal to get through College and he desired to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints before even considering seriously being more than friends. Kelli has completed all her classroom work at Colorado Mesa University with a semester of student teaching ahead of her this fall and Tyler returned from the Houston Texas Mission about a year and a half ago. They have spent this time learning more about each other and about life and have arrived at this day still friends. I am pleased for them and wish them the best.

Because I am the Dad I will take the opportunity to share here some of my thoughts and feelings regarding the marriage relationship and what I believe it ought to be (at least some of my ideas).
In 1 Corinthians 13:13 it says; "And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity." in context charity is understood to mean love. When Tyler sat with me to tell me that he and Kelli were talking seriously about getting married he wanted me to understand that he loves her, and I am sure that he does. I also have watched them together and I observe that the feelings are mutual. I will tell them that what they feel now is a great place to begin - but the feelings that they will have 10, or 20, or 50 years from now will mean so much more and run so much deeper than they can understand today.
Shared experience, shared goals, trials experienced, and those quiet moments when it seems that their world may be falling all around them will deepen and strengthen their bond. They will be in this together and as long as they keep that thought in mind theirs is a marriage that will survive and thrive.

Tyler asked me that afternoon if there is anything I required of him. At that moment I had not had time to consider the question thoroughly (only her whole life) so I was not very forthcoming with wise words or specific advice (and I would add after 5 older children have married it has all been said). Today, a number of months later, I have had time to think about what I wish for them so I will share some of that now.
One of the leading Elders of our Church taught the following in a talk he gave during April 2013 General Conference, "I have observed that in the happiest marriages both the husband and the wife consider their relationship to be a pearl beyond price, a treasure of infinite worth. They both leave fathers and mothers and set out together to build a marriage that will prosper for eternity. They understand that they walk a divinely ordained path. They know that no other relationship of any kind can bring as much joy, generate as much good, or produce as much personal refinement. ... the best marriage partners regard their marriages as priceless." (Elder L Whitney Clayton).

The specific list of advice is short.

1.)   Love God.
2.)   Love her more than anything or anyone else (except God).
3.)   Pray together every day.
4.)   Make time to share in the scriptures each day.
5.)   Listen before reacting.
6.)   Never stop courting her.
7.)   Learn patience.
8.)   Hold your tongue (see #5 above).
9.)   Share your hopes and dreams with each other.
10.) Keep the relationship preeminent every day.

No great wisdom here just some practical advice that will keep you both aiming at the same end result.

"When you make a sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship." (Joseph Campbell)

Cindy and I have made an effort to do these things in our relationship (sometimes with more success sometimes with less) and can vouch for their efficacy.

A simple list, given in love. You will learn that there is so much more to making it work. It is worth the effort.

More to come soon. Thanks for checking in.

The Challenge! Friendship!

Describe your best childhood friend and your relationship with them. 

I have given this topic a great amount of thought over the past week. My initial idea was to post something from each time period of my life much the same as the favorite teacher post in recent weeks. After some careful consideration I decided that I would, potentially, offend more of my friends by not choosing them to be highlighted here. There are many that I call to mind with very fond, and a few uncomfortable, memories. Many of you shared the same friendships and acquaintance that I did growing up in western Colorado. If you are like me (and I know I am) just the mention of someone will bring to mind some humorous story or a remembrance that often brightens your day for just that moment (or longer). For me those names begin with Mike Peterson, Tommy Means, Pat Macdonald, Carla Ray, LuAnn Paulson and her brother Lanny, Reggie Everett, David Cole, Scott young and his family, John Young, Mike, Scott, and David Hawks, Gary Doyal, Jimmy Etzler, Travis Mays, Paul Lister, Rich Idler, and many many others. Sorry - if I listed all who have impacted me as friends you all would be bored to tears.

The list is long.

There are two not included in the list above for different reasons. The first is my sweetheart Cindy Gray - whom I did not meet until high school and who I will not be writing about here today other than to mention that the friendship continues to blossom even after 36 or 37 years (34 married) of getting familiar with one another. No, I think most of you who really know me will agree that Mike Hoaglund was the best friend I ever had, outside my marriage.

Mike was a year ahead of me in school and I remember him initially at Shelledy Elementary. We only interacted on the playground there, as his class was coming outside from the lunchroom as mine was going back inside to try and learn something. His mom was a second grade teacher in the school and everyone knew he was her son. I don't remember ever interacting with Mike at Fruita Elementary School but once we got to Junior High School we became very good friends. Football, wrestling, and track and field brought us together as teammates and began to solidify the relationship. We also had the Church in common - we both attended the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints there in Fruita. We participated in the Boy Scout Troop there and spent time in the outdoors with other good friends (Reggie, Matt, Dennis, Jeff and many others). We rode our bicycles up and down the Colorado National Monument and all over the drainages and dirt hills in the Fruita area - just a grand time to be alive.

Mike's sophomore year in high school is when the friendship really took off. He got his driver's license and we could go into the outdoors to fish, and hunt, and just spend time hiking. We didn't catch many fish or have a lot of success in the field but that did not deter us from getting out there and having fun. As we graduated from school, in successive years, we continued to be friends and he was the first to know, besides me, that I was thinking about getting married. He always had an opinion on any given topic and he did on this one as well - which he did not hesitate to share with me (or anyone).

Mike and I worked together, played together, went to school together, and became friends through all those interactions. What a good man he became. Most of you know that Mike died from a self inflicted gunshot wound not long after his marriage began to unravel. I don't remember exactly when this occurred my recollection is sometime in the late 1980's though it could have been as late as 1990. As with many friendships we had drifted in different directions following marriage and living in different parts of the country.
He was a good friend. Always willing to back me up but not afraid to let me know when I was wrong (and I was wrong often). I'm not sure that all friendships have the strengths and trials that ours did - but I do cherish each of the experiences we shared.

The blog challenge has now ended for me, who knows what you will find here next time?

Thanks for checking in. More to come soon.

The Challenge! Gutsiest thing ever done.

What is the gutsiest thing you've ever done? One serious, one funny.

As I have been thinking about what I could share here this week I am beginning to realize that I have lived a very unexciting life. I suppose the things that some might consider "gutsy" have been done out of necessity not because of courage or adventure so I don't think of them in that (gutsy) context. Oh and don't misunderstand my meaning, we are not talking about anything like a first responder running toward an emergent situation or someone in the military reacting to a developing situation in a battle for life and liberty. I am talking about the daily grind we all experience were we occasionally find uncomfortable situations that require more effort and commitment than normal. For example; allowing someone whom I had only recently met to split open my chest and stop my heart so repair could be made that would allow a more full and energetic life. Some might call that gutsy - I call it unnerving, fear inducing, and life enhancing. Gutsy? Not so much.

Gutsy is defined by many as "marked by courage or daring; plucky, or robust and uninhibited; lusty. Not sure anything in my life can be defined as plucky or lusty. I think those who do gutsy things like climbing mountains, or jumping out of airplanes, or entering into burning, or collapsed buildings are amazing men and women. I don't see myself as being like them in any way. Could I be? Perhaps. I have always chosen not to follow those paths and have rarely found myself in situations where I did not have time to carefully consider all the options and make an informed decision. A good friend of my son Adam, (they met in the Marine Corps) calls this living a charmed life (Thanks Matt Thorne).

One exception; I was driving across Oxford Ave in the Denver, Colorado area with several other men riding with me. We were heading west and noticed a new Corvette turning in front of us into a large open space area. The driver punched it and accelerated very quickly to a speed beyond his ability to manage and the car slid beneath a thick cable that had been suspended between two heavy posts, thus limiting traffic access. The cable sheared off the A pillar on both the driver and passenger side of the vehicle and stopped the car. I looked at my companions and saw my thoughts reflected in their eyes; "what are we going to find when we get there?" I reached for the radio in the truck cab near my right knee and called our dispatcher to get emergency equipment headed toward the accident and we turned to see what we could do to help. Was that gutsy? Some would say yes, I would say that it was a normal reaction by any thinking caring man or woman. I remember being filled with fear and dread for what we would find upon arriving at the scene. We pulled up, jumped out of the truck, ran to the car, and found three young men (probably 17 or 18 years old), with the driver and front seat passenger pinned in their seats by the two inch diameter cable - without a scratch on either of them. My co-workers and I were able to pry the cable forward to allow the boys to get out of the vehicle and though they were shaken up they did not appear to be injured. Gutsy? I suppose it was. But really we had no choice but to assist in whatever way we could. By the way, the decision to help in any similar circumstance had been made years previous so I was compelled by that commitment to follow through. We did not need to decide in the moment. We just needed to act.

Confucius is attributed with saying, "Faced with what is right, to leave it undone shows a lack of courage."

John Wayne is quoted as saying much the same thing, "Courage is being scared to death ... and saddling up anyway."

When this topic was proposed for our consideration Stefanie suggested we choose something serious and something humorous. I am at a loss as to what might be shared here that is funny and gutsy. It was hard enough to come up with something serious. If an example comes to mind in the near future I will amend this post.

That is all for now. Thanks for checking in. Be back soon.