Each night I am reminded "how lucky I am that I made it home."

There are occasional evenings when I return home from a busy, long, stress-filled day at work and just want to mindlessly sit and view a television program or a DVD of a favorite movie. I had two such days recently (in a row, I might add) which is unusual. This all began with a mid-day dental appointment to have a silver filling in a molar removed and refilled with whatever composite material dentists use now and to also fill another cavity near the same tooth that has developed over the years because of a crack in another molar. It does not bother me so a filling works for now, though a root canal may occur down the road. I don't like trips to the dentist for any reason. Sitting in an uncomfortable chair in an uncomfortable position with every muscle in my body tensed for immediate flight just makes for an unpleasant hour and pretty well wears me out. I survived (barely) and we headed home. My sweetheart (Cindy), who came along to drive if needed, mentioned that she was not feeling well and I promptly ignored what she said because she could not possibly feel as bad as I did at that moment (I was wrong, of course) and we resumed the activities of the day. A few hours later we were sitting in the living room watching HGTV and resting from the day.

She mentioned again several times during the evening that she was not feeling well and even suggested that she may go to urgent care the next morning if there was no improvement by then. She finally gave up on the day about 8:30 (very early for her), fed the dogs, took some ibuprofen, and went to bed. Now I'm beginning to worry. Normally changes in her health are gradual - this progressed very quickly. Though in retrospect the signs of gradual progression were there we just missed them until it was moving more quickly. She had a rough night and let me know Friday morning that she had called her doctor's office and they had an opening for her to come in later in the day and she took it instead of going to urgent care. No strep. Swollen nodes, works in an elementary school - antibiotic prescribed, continued use of ibuprofen recommended. Since many (perhaps all) of the daughters (Jen, Stefanie, Holly, Lisa, and Kelli) had been invited into this loop a group text was distributed with the update (me too) and she headed home.

Friday is often a night out for dinner but she did not feel up to it so we ordered take out from a local establishment and scheduled it so I could run a few errands and then pick it up on the way home. It had been one of those days at work in addition to worrying about her condition and I was pretty well worn out by the time I arrived at home. We had dinner and settled in to view a DVD (The Hobbit, the battle of the five armies). There are several moments in this film that hit a tender chord with me. The first is when, after they are in the mountain, Bilbo is sitting by himself and removes something from his pocket.

    "Thorin: What is that?
    [suddenly Thorin approaches Bilbo]
    Thorin: In your hand.
    Bilbo Baggins: It's nothing.
    Thorin: Show me.
    Bilbo Baggins: It...
    [Bilbo holds out his fist and opens it up to reveal a nut]
    Bilbo Baggins: I picked it up in Beorn's garden.
    [Thorin's face softens]
    Thorin: You've carried it all this way?
    Bilbo Baggins: I'm going to plant it in my garden. In Bag End.
    Thorin: It's a poor prize to take back to the Shire.
    Bilbo Baggins: One day it'll grow, and every time I look at it, I'll remember. Remember     everything that happened: the good, the bad and how lucky I am that I made it home.
    [Bilbo smile and Thorin smiles back]"

It is that last that touches me "One day it'll grow, and every time I look at it, I'll remember. Remember everything that happened: the good, the bad and how lucky I am that I made it home." Home is the place where both good and bad happen to everyone, I hope more good than bad for all, but it should also be a place we can retreat to. I feel that my home is a talisman for me - a place where not only have memories been made, and lessons taught and learned, but a place where I can refuge from the world and remember the things that are really important. I am never happier than when the Mahan clan are all gathered together reminding each of the relationship and the life we have shared. 

There is another moment near the end of the film when as Thorin Oakenshield is near death he says to Bilbo "If more people valued home above gold, this world would be a merrier place." I am as guilty as  the next fellow of trying to improve my lot in life (financial) and acknowledge that we do have to make an adequate living to support a family. But there are times when we (I at least) have lost sight of the greater importance of family relationships and making the world a merrier place.

If you read through the posts that have been created here you should get a sense that family is important to me. I am very pleased with the way my children have turned out. They have become people that I still enjoy hanging out with and learning from. 

Thanks for checking in. More to come soon. See you then.

I walked into the lunchroom the other day....

I am usually very careful in any correspondence with family and friends. I have on occasion been known to put my foot into my mouth so I am normally diligent in communicating via e-mail or text message. I attempt to be clear and concise so misunderstandings are avoided...and most of the time I succeed (my opinion anyway). Unfortunately that doesn't always hold true. Let me explain.

Fathers Day weekend I was home alone. Cindy (my sweetheart) went to visit our newest grandchild and his parents Friday morning and did not return until Monday afternoon. I have never minded being alone for a few days even over a holiday weekend. My daughters, and my wife, usually communicate with me via telephone or text message conversation and help the time pass quickly. They did a fair job of it this weekend as well. For some reason unknown to me the empty house was more of a problem this time, in spite of their collective efforts. So when Monday morning rolled around I was anxiously awaiting her (Cindy) returning to home.

I was busy through much of the morning with work, banking, and conversation with co-workers and customers and the time passed quickly. I received a text message from Cindy just before noon letting me know that she was getting on the road. I replied with a little more adult reply than I normally would and as soon as I hit send I realized it was a group text including at least one of our daughters, and (I learned later) my Mother-in-law. Oops. I found a thread on my phone with conversation just between Cindy and me and sent a quick "My poor children." text to let her know I realized I made a mistake.

Please don't get me wrong my children are all grown and married and are well aware of the relationship married spouses have. But still not something they want to be thinking about at any time. That evening as Cindy and I were chuckling about the event she shared with me that the daughter who had been included in the group made a screen shot of the conversation and shared it with her siblings. The reaction of one of the daughters is now recorded for all time. She started laughing, and laughing, and laughing, and could not stop laughing and then one of her children began laughing because her mommy was and laughed right along with her. It is hilarious. Her tummy must still ache from laughing as hard and long as she did.

After I realized my error I started laughing about it as well and was still chuckling as I walked into the lunchroom down the hall from my office. Three of my co-workers were there getting ready to eat and I had to explain what had happened. They all smiled and chuckled throughout our mealtime. Mostly because it's just funny, but also because it is so out of character for me to say or write something even slightly risque or inappropriate.

In Proverbs 21:23 it says, "Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles."

While I am not overly disturbed by this amusing occurrence, I am reminded of the need to keep my tongue in check (or writing in this case). Neal A. Maxwell said it well, "Let us have integrity and not write checks with our tongues which our conduct cannot cash." I am resolved to improve my performance by taking greater care in writing and speaking. An inattentive misspoken word could harm, or embarrass, and that is not what I hope to accomplish on any day.

And no I will not share here or anywhere what was written in that careless moment. It has already been distributed more widely than I like.

Thanks for checking in. More to come soon. See you then.

I'm not sure where this one will end up, but let us begin here.

Long ago and far far away (I think it was a Wednesday) I was enjoying an unusual morning off (unusual because it was a Wednesday instead of Thursday). I had arisen at my customary hour on a day off (5:30 am-ish) and had spent time reading the scriptures, and a fantastic book by Tad R. Callister titled "The Infinite Atonement". I had just settled on the love seat to view several news programs to catch up on some of the world news from overnight. I heard the dogs jump from the bed to the floor and begin to trot down the hallway to the living room where they paused briefly waiting for the other female of the household to catch up. They led her to the back door and were sent outside to do whatever dogs do in the morning after a cozy night inside. Mrs. Mahan then returned to the living room where she let me know that we needed to have a conversation. I say conversation but what I really mean is she had something to talk to me about that required very little input from me - other than listening. I'm a good listener (I think) and so I obliged her. After an emotional few minutes I asked if she needed anything from me? She replied that no she just needed to vent a little and would work through it herself (phew!).

Let me back up a few days and help clarify what comes next in our little drama. Monday I receive a phone call from Mrs. Mahan in which she tells me she is on her way to Grand Junction, Colorado to exchange vehicles with our daughter Kelli who is getting ready to leave to visit two of her sisters in the Orem, Utah area but has more stuff than will fit in her car. Okay, no problem. They make the exchange and Cindy (Mrs. Mahan) goes and visits her parents while in town and Kelli is on her way. She (Kelli) calls me around 1:30 pm or so and asks me if she should be concerned that there is a warning light on the instrument cluster flashing? I ask which one and make a quick call to our service manager who tells me that she needs to park the car and call a tow truck. I relay that message and we decide that she will continue down the highway 3 miles to Crescent Junction where she will be able to exit the highway and find a cool spot to wait. I then call roadside assistance and begin the process of helping them understand that even though the car is 50 miles inside the Utah border the nearest dealer is not 140 miles away in American Fork, Utah but is in fact only 65 - 70 miles away in Grand Junction, Colorado.

In the meantime, the Mahan sister network (including the Mom) is buzzing with activity and finally I am off the phone with roadside assistance and take several calls from different daughters and finally from the Mom (Cindy). We decide that she (Cindy) will drive Kelli's car to Crescent Junction so that Kelli can continue on to visit her sisters and their families even if she can't take everything she hoped to. Then Cindy will wait for the tow truck and ride back to Grand Junction with the car. It all works perfectly. Kelli makes her visit, Cindy rides in the non-air conditioned tow truck across the 100 degree desert of eastern Utah back to Grand Junction, I pick her up at her parents that evening and we return home in time to unwind a little before retiring for the evening. We love it when a plan comes together.

Tuesday was uneventful. The car is done. We plan to pick it up Wednesday instead of Thursday because of a last minute change in my day off. Which brings us back to the beginning. Keep in mind that all of these things have been piling up on her through the first days of the week. Things are looking good other than the emotional mood she is in because of a situation that has been building for some time that has her (both of us really) concerned regarding our children and grand children.

Wednesday after the young man who Cindy occasionally pays to mow our lawn leaves, and I have gone back over the lawn where he was in a bit of a hurry and didn't do a great job, we head to Grand Junction to pick up the Subaru Crosstrek from the dealer. No problems. We decided to go to lunch since it was after the noon hour. We like Chili's so we headed over there to grab a bite. As we are waiting on the waitress to bring our food Cindy started digging in her pockets for the key that operates the ignition of the Crosstrek to add it back onto her key ring. She can't find it in a pocket. We both know what will happen if she dropped it into her purse, so she digs through her pockets again. No key. Deep emotional sigh as she begins the process of removing every accumulated item from the bottomless pit that is her (any woman's) purse. After emptying the entire contents she looks at me and wonders aloud if she dropped it on the way into the restaurant? I get up and retrace the path from our table to the car. No key. I look inside the vehicle and way down on the floor below the ignition I see a single key - the one that should be in her pocket or purse. Of course I didn't bring my key for this vehicle but, I notice that the window is cracked open to allow air to circulate. Not enough for my arm to reach in to unlock the door and I cannot think of anything that I can use to reach in and accomplish the task.

After a moment I thought back to a conversation Cindy and I had on Monday evening as we were driving home from Grand Junction. She kept complaining about something scraping against her foot and it was late enough that darkness prevented her from readily identifying the item. She had the same issue as we were driving to Grand Junction that morning and picked up the ice scraper/snow brush I use as needed and tossed it onto the back seat. I thought it just might be thin enough and long enough to reach through the window and reach the lock/unlock button on the door armrest. I retrieved it from my car, (a few amused looks as I was walking through the parking lot with an ice scraper on a 90 degree day) I was able to get it through the slightly opened window and twist it around to reach the unlock button. The key was retrieved, I returned to the restaurant, We enjoyed our lunch, and finally returned home later that afternoon. I chuckled that this would make a good story for me to share here and she told me I should wait a few days to allow her to get over the emotional moment she was working through. So I did.

Thanks for checking in. More to come soon. See you then.

"It is a wise father that knows his own child." William Shakespear

Last night Cindy (the missus) received a text message from our son (Adam) where he asked "What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill?"

To which she (Cindy) replied (after turning to me and asking if I knew where this was headed), "What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill?"

Adam, "Walking."

Cindy, "Ooo-kay..."

Adam, "JK. Rolling."

He then decided to share with his sisters and they replied as follows,

Stef, "Hehehe."

Cindy, "Oh good. Rub it in."

Holly, "This is actually making me laugh out loud."

Kelli, "Hahahaha!"

Adam, "You set it up beautifully."

Jennifer, "Yep. I'm laughing."

Cindy, "Well, it's what I do."

Lisa, (replied with an emoticon laughing so hard it has tears).

And finally Cindy closed out the text conversation with "It's funny-Dad asked me how everyone was doing today when he got home, and I told him I had no clue, I hadn't talked to anyone (except a text from Holly) -so Now I know you're all still out there! Thanks, Adam!"

I also was amused but did not become engaged in the conversation. Those of you who know me are not surprised at this - I tend to be reticent in most situations until input is needed. I can smile right along with these people (and most others) without having much input myself. The most amusing part of this conversation from my side is that Cindy felt that she had to explain to me that JK. was "just kidding" and that "rolling" was Rowling. 

Like most families, I think, some version of this conversation played out frequently in the Mahan household as these children (and their parents) grew up together. And we still enjoy sharing our amusement with each other often. One of the great joys of being father (and husband) to this crew. If nothing else gets passed from my children to theirs, if they get a sense of humor and an ability to laugh at themselves and with their siblings and friends they will have been given (and received) a great legacy. 

I hope they will. I imagine that with the parents and grandparents they have it will probably happen. I had a friend once ask me how our children had become so close and such good friends? I really didn't have an answer for the question then. I'm not sure I do now either. All I can tell you is that when we are together we have fun. And when feelings are tender we usually rally round and give all the love and support we can muster. How we got here? I really don't know. But, we are here and I think we each are better for the journey.

Thanks for checking in. More to come soon. See you then.

"Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter." Satchel Paige

"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it." Steven Wright

My brain is a jumble of random thoughts and ideas this morning. Not sure where this post may go or end up. I hope this has given you fair warning.

Tomorrow would be Dads 78th birthday. It has only been 9 years that he has been gone and in that time there have been years when this date goes by with little notice. For some reason this is one of the years when the date has been on my radar for several weeks. I have thought about what makes this time different and have arrived at no clear answer. It just is, and maybe that really is all there is to it.

"I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote," so right before I die I could say "unquote."

A friend spoke in a church meeting I attended last evening about an experience he had a few months ago. He is a very healthy active older gentleman that I have enjoyed getting to know over the last year or so. A few months ago he made a mis-step while working on the roof of his barn and fell to the ground. He ended up with 10 broken ribs and a damaged hip that required some repair work by one of the paint and body men at St. Mary's Hospital in Grand Junction, CO. Followed by a total of three weeks hospitalization and a steady recovery period since. He is doing remarkably well and gives credit to the faith of all those who offered prayers on his behalf and to the priesthood blessings he received immediately following the injury and just prior to the surgery. He is a good man and I have learned that he is a man of great faith. I aspire to be like him someday.

"I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering." Steven Wright

Often I take time to dig in and study verses of scripture but lately I have just been reading with only occasional pauses to look up a cross reference or to consult another talk or writing of a respected authority. Just reading. I have covered a lot of ground very quickly (I read on average 6-8 chapters in the New Testament and the same in The Book of Mormon daily) and have enjoyed it immensely. As I have the opportunity to serve in the Church I find my mind occupied with specific scriptures and how they apply in a given circumstance. So a brief respite from focused learning has been very pleasant. I will continue to read somewhere in the scriptures for enjoyment but will soon begin to focus my effort on specifics.

"Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country." Steven Wright

We ( Cindy and I) continue to get occasional phone calls from our granddaughter Mo. Often her parents know about it and sometimes they don't. I'm not sure I even knew the telephone existed when I was that young (she will be 4 in a month or so). Those are fun conversations and usually leave a smile on my face even if I have to make it a short call because of work or other responsibilities.

"All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand." Steven Wright

This should be a very good and busy week. I am looking forward to seeing it through to completion. I hope you all have a good one as well.

Thanks for checking in. More to come soon. See you then.  

"Men are what their mothers made them." Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The mother's heart is the child's school room." Henry Ward Beecher

She has been gone since January of 2013 and I still think of her each day. I have moved past the reaching for the phone to call her phase though there are moments when I really need to speak with her and get her reassurance or opinion. She loved sharing both. I can't speak for her other son in any other thing but in this one thing we agree - Emerson got it right. "Men are what their mother's made them."

The memories I have of her begin when I was very small. Her image dominates all the memories of my youth. Even when she was not present in my everyday the thought of her and what she would think of the things I was (and was not) doing informed many of the choices made. Bill Watterson shared many interactions between Calvin and his Mother that were humorous because they were a reflection of life. I'll share a few here and hope Mr. Watterson will forgive me for borrowing.










As we brought grandchildren into her life I was reminded of many of the difficult things that she went through with her sons. She loved all of them and welcomed them with joy. I'm not sure she was really ready to be Grandma when the first arrived but she smiled and accepted that this part of her life had arrived. She also had the opportunity to meet some of her great grandchildren and by then was loving this period of life.

If your Mom is gone - I feel your pain. If she is still around - appreciate her.

Just a short post today. Thanks for checking in. More to come soon. See you then.

"I'm not funny. What I am is brave." Lucille Ball

Becoming (noun); The process of coming to be something or of passing into a state, any process of change or growing to be.

"Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more." (Tony Robbins)

Have you ever had the experience of wanting to become better at doing something but never really knowing where to look for help? Do you see friends, family, and even neighbors seemingly moving beyond anything you ever thought possible?

The answers are out there to be sure. But, more often than not, at least for me, they are found in what I choose to do each day. As I sit here pondering how to say what would be said here today I am thinking about all the time I spend doing nothing. Literally nothing. Its frightening to contemplate. How in the world did life come to this particular set of bad habits and lack of effort? On some level I want to be a better person. More successful, healthier, happier, a better husband to my wife, a better father to my children, and a better friend to all. I am not sure I have ever in my years upon this earth given my all to much of anything - not even my own selfish needs.

John Wooden is quoted as saying, "Success comes from knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming."

Walter Cronkite said, "I can't imagine a person becoming a success who doesn't give this game of life everything he's got."

Sometimes I think we get so caught up in the desire to succeed that we become paralyzed instead of productive. It may even be that we think that overwhelming goal we call success is just so far away we decide that there is no amount of effort that will get us there so we fall into those lazy habits that are so easy to pursue. I'm beginning to believe that some effort at pursuing a more successful path will become an aid in developing those skills and habits that will lead one to being more. Becoming something more.

Often it is as simple as making a decision at the end of each day to make the coming day more productive. In other words end each day with the beginning in mind and begin each day with the end in mind. It does seem that a few minutes of planning each evening (or at the end of the work day) for the next days activities would be a productive few minutes that should add clarity to the coming evening and morning. To sleep with the thoughts of what could be accomplished rattling around your subconscious ought to be very beneficial. I think I'll give it a try.

In the last post here I spoke about keeping a journal each day. I think a combination activity of recording those memorable and mundane moments of each day along with an agenda for the coming day should bring about a very positive result. The main thing for me to accomplish is eliminating much of the non-productive (nothing) time from each day and evening. Of course there will be bumps and hiccups along the way. Things will arise that cause a course change to occur. It still will be a better idea to have a plan and have the need to change its execution than have no plan and lose opportunity for productivity.

I don't know that these changes will make anyone a super achiever, but they are a step in that direction and will lead from good things to better things. And perhaps even to best things.

Thanks for checking in. More to come soon. See you then.