"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old." George Burns

In the early hours of the morning I sometimes wonder why in the heck I am awake. In the same moment I often realize that I am awake because I ache from the top of my head all the way to my ankles. I can't remember being in an accident, or falling while snowboarding (I don't snowboard), or being in some other physical altercation, but I sure do feel like it. Then the realization hits that in order for me to get some relief from the ache I will need to get out of bed, lumber to the medicine cabinet stopping on the way for some bladder relief... .and I don't think I have the strength to do any of it. So I lay there eyes closed and wide awake trying to decide if it's worth it to make the attempt. I promise myself that if I am awake five minutes from now I'll get up and go do something about it. And so five minutes later I roll out of bed stalk out to the kitchen to take some over the counter pain relief, having paused along the way to take care of that other need, pour myself a tall glass of cool water (having voided the bladder I now need to refill it) and sit down at the kitchen table to read something for a few minutes to see if I can become drowsy again.

They tell me this is a part of getting older. I don't like it at all. 

I went for my annual physical this past week and found out that I am as healthy as I can be for having all the maladies that I have. All are managed well... . save 1. Still packing too much weight on this five foot eleven inch frame. So it begins again for me - starting the process of trying to lose some of this excess baggage around my middle. I spoke with my physician about what limitations I have and so I will begin to push a little. This is a strange place to be for someone who still thinks he is in his twenties. I look in the mirror every morning and wonder who that old man is standing in front of me. I wait impatiently for him to get out of the way so I can shave and get my day started. He eventually steps up to the sink and gets it all done in a slow methodical fashion and finally I can get in there and get ready myself. He steps out of the way and I'm done.

Well this year I am starting early. Getting ready for the Mike the Headless Chicken Festival 5k fun run/walk. Last year I finished in just under an hour. This year I hope to finish in the middle forties. Training for the event will begin in earnest now that we are through the worst of winter. I am looking forward to finding where my limitations begin and trying to push beyond them. Oh don't worry, it isn't my intent to do myself any harm but I have learned that pushing a little past the beginning of discomfort eventually makes it easier and moves that line a little farther away. 

I suppose in many ways I am getting old. This body is anyway. My mind and spirit, on the other hand, constantly remind me that I don't have to get old in my attitude. It will have to be the mind and spirit that pull the body forward to a new healthy. The body in and of itself doesn't have what it takes to push limits anymore. Mr. Burns was right "You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old."

Oh, back to the beginning. Often I find that as I read my mind and spirit settle down my heart rate slows and that readiness for slumber does return. Nearly always one of the books I find on the kitchen table that brings me back to a place where I can relax is my Bible. Not because it bores me. Quite the contrary, but it does bring me that peace of mind that makes me realize that the ache I felt all along wasn't necessarily my aging body - but the desire, the hunger, the thirst for something greater. As I finish reading I offer a silent prayer of thanksgiving for those records that have been preserved over the generations so we (you and I) can feel that peace.

That's all for now. Thanks for checking in. More to come soon. See you then.

Random thoughts from the mind that never sleeps II.

"A well spent day brings happy sleep" (Leonardo daVinci)

I have experienced this and find it to be true. When I have the most productive day, whether mental or physical, I get the best sleep. The problem I have is that I only sleep well for a few hours and then end up in that never-land between good sleep and nearly awake - for the rest of the night. What is it that causes this to happen? I wish someone would tell me. It is not the kind of sleep that I prefer. I like waking up refreshed and raring to go in the morning. The energy that springs from an awake mind is something missing in my life and much desired.

"How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?" (Dr. Seuss).

It seems as if each time a conversation is had with family member or friend a comment is made about the fact that it is already first November then December. Where in the heck did this year go? Before we know it January will be knocking on the door (started this one a while ago - January is here). I'm not really complaining its entirely possible that this mind could drive me crazy if time moved any slower. The nights are long enough without the days dragging by as well.

Are you getting the idea that I am looking for reasons to be curmudgeonly today? Well enough of that silly nonsense.

Cindy recently rode the train from Provo, Utah to Grand Junction. Something she says she has always wanted to do. She also says she enjoyed the trip and will possibly do it again. I've ridden a train before and will not voluntarily do so again. Sure I was a small boy and not really interested in being confined to a seat for the duration of the journey. It took forever to get from Glenwood Springs to Grand Junction (at least to a young boy) and I have not forgotten that fact.

I'm sitting here near the end of a quietly productive day contemplating what to do tonight upon my arrival home. I suspect nourishment will be on the immediate agenda. I recently began reading the new Jack Ryan novel (Tom Clancy - RIP and Mark Greaney) and could put in a few hours reading and considering. It is also possible that I may just sit and view a movie or watch a little television with Cindy. Some might think that time would be spent preparing for meetings at Church tomorrow - that work has already been done. We will see.

With all the variety of activities available to us in this lifetime I sometimes wonder how the days end up being the same. Monday we do this, Tuesday this, etc... and it seems to run on and on with not much change. I do love the familiar but it seems to be taken to the extreme as I ponder the week past.

The year has ended and I have spent some time thinking about goals for the coming months. Nothing set just yet. I don't share those typically here but may do so this year. I may need the supporting comments of friends and family as I attempt to improve our situation. Again, we will see. Either way the plan will be made by the end of the coming week.

You were warned in the title. Random thoughts.

Thanks for checking in. More to come soon. See you then.

"I like to reminisce with people I don't know." Steven Wright

I recently had the opportunity to spend time with a family that just suffered the loss of a loved one. The first opportunity for me to have this responsibility since being called to serve as Bishop of the Mount Sneffels Ward here in Montrose, CO. When I took that phone call from some of the missionaries assigned to serve in our area a flood of memories came rushing in. Dad died in 2006 and Mom in 2012 and many of the feelings I had during those events came to mind as I began to help this family plan to say goodbye to their loved one. I met with the family mid-day on the Saturday following their loss. I had not met any of them before that moment. You might think that would make this easier but, for me at least, it did not. There are questions that have to be asked. With clear answers not necessarily easily found.

While not having personal grief to deal with in this situation, having had my own experience in dealing with those feelings certainly helped me to notice those tender moments when an arm around the shoulder or a full on embrace was needed. In a circumstance like this when death came unexpectedly and suddenly it seems that it is very hard on everyone. No time to prepare, no time to say goodbye. Even when someone is in below average health we seem to believe that that moment is some time in the future. Sitting with the family in that first meeting on Saturday I realized how true the statement that a parent should never have to bury or grieve over the death of a child. Still applies even when the parents are in their 80's and the child is in his 60's.

There were a lot of friends and family who attended the service at the church. This fact seemed to bring some comfort to the family members. The service was filled with a comfortable, sweet spirit that touched the heart of many. The graveside moment was also well attended. His father dedicated the grave-site in a humble prayer of faith. I had much to consider as I drove home from Ridgway that afternoon. And much to be grateful for.

Kind of a downer today. I apologize for that only a little. These are things we all need to consider and plan for - better now than in a moment of distress and grief. I'm not telling you to rush out and make all your arrangements (that would be up to you). I am suggesting that it might be a good idea to at least have some conversations and write some of those thoughts down so you don't have several people remembering things differently and disagreeing about what should be done. Grief is hard enough without adding disagreement over the wishes of a loved one.

Thanks for checking in. More to come soon. See you then.

"So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it." Willy Wonka

"My favorite things in life don't cost any money. It's really clear that the most precious resource we all have is time." (Steve Jobs)

Time.

I wonder, often, if I am making the best use of time. Like most of you I suppose there are days when I do accomplish all that is possible and then on other days nothing seems to get done. In my professional life I have the potential for a lot of down time. If other salespeople are not working deals and bringing those customers to see me to complete their contracts and other legal requirements I don't always have work related items that demand my attention. There are days, though when it seems that I arrive in my office to find a customer waiting for me and then I look up and it is 5:00 pm and time to start thinking about what happens that evening. I need to find productive things to do that will make each day like that.

The real problem, as I see it, with having days like today where there are no customers in the store, no deals to work online, and no fires from previous contracts to put out, lead to habits that make it difficult to transition back to going full bore upon my arrival at home. Often these days of inactivity leave me so worn out mentally that it is hard to get motivated to activity throughout the evening. That means that Mrs. Mahan suffers because I am less inclined to help out with the few things that I can do to assist her around our home. Sometimes I mentally blame it on my physical (lack of) health and she, grudgingly, lets me get away with it.

I am resolved that this needs to change. Time is a very precious resource and once expended it cannot be retrieved. We just have to move on anew.

Speaking of time well spent. As posted a few months ago we had our annual reunion at Powderhorn Resort on Grand Mesa over Labor Day weekend. What a great time. Three days and nights spent with 23 of the best people I know. All our children (their spouses), grandchildren, and friends that we have come to love just as much as our own children. A lot of time spent just conversing and renewing relationships. We have some traditions (new and old) that have become part of this weekend. We love going to Lands End overlook on top of Grand Mesa to watch the setting sun over the Colorado National Monument to the west. The sun setting and the lights coming on in the Grand Valley make for a beautiful sight. Many photos taken and kind of a culminating event that signals that we are soon to return to life in whatever lane we run in normally.

It was good to have them all there this year. It has been several years since we all could make it. I am amused and pleased that the technology of today (smart phones with Facetime capability) make it so that cousins that live hundreds of miles apart know one another by sight and voice and already have a better relationship than I ever had with my cousins who lived nearby. They pick up their conversations as though they live next door and play together daily. Grandma also benefits from the technology (she can't work it easily, also amusing, but she gets by) and has a more personal relationship with each of those granddaughters than would have been possible a few decades ago.

A good use of time? I think so. But that technology that can be such a blessing can also become a distraction that leads to inattention to other things that should command more of our time. The old adage "everything in moderation" seems to universally apply even to modern advances.

Well, enough written for today. I hope you all are well.

Thanks for checking in. More to come soon. See you then.

What a great place to spend time with family!

It is that time again. The Mahan, Sadler, Mahan, Griffith, Glem, Guzman, Esplin, and (for this year at least) Thorne families will gather in this beautiful part of Western Colorado to spend a few days getting reacquainted, sharing news, and introducing new family members and friends to each other. It has been several years since we all have made the journey and the excitement has been building for several weeks.

I lost count of the years we have been enjoying this family retreat that began at Mesa Lakes Resort (probably in the early 1990's) that we quickly outgrew as more family and friends were invited to join us. We made the move to Powderhorn Resort during a year of ownership change at Mesa Lakes and decided the comfort and space afforded by the Goldenwoods Condos at Powderhorn would be more amenable to our needs.

There have been many late nights spent playing board games, many early morning hours contemplating looming opportunity and change, but mostly just being proximate to those we love have brought us each joy in the opportunity. We have always been a close family and these shared experiences have made us more so.

This year we have Matt and Lesley Ram Thorne joining us along with their daughter Evelyn. Matt joined us one year when he and Adam (our son) were serving in the Marine Corps together. It must have been in 2002 or maybe 2003 - and he has wanted to make a return visit since that time but has not been able to work it out. We were very pleased when Lesley contacted us last spring to see if they could do so this year as a surprise to him. It is Matt's 40th birthday anniversary this September so we will add his name to the list of those we will celebrate on Sunday.

"A home with a loving and loyal husband and wife is the supreme setting in which children can be reared in righteousness and in which the spiritual and physical needs of children can be met." (David A Bednar)

I understand that there are some who do not live in this ideal family setting and they get along just fine. I wonder if they might do a little better with a two parent household. We each have the option of choosing the path we follow. I will say that my personal belief is that the traditional family structure is the best way to rear children. From my own experience it worked very well. I think the comfort of having that structure comes from knowing that there is always someone to turn to when one parent is overwhelmed with the daily grind or occasional emergent circumstance family members deal with.

Lately I have been observing the interaction between my children and my grandchildren with amused interest. I often hear them saying things that their Mother said as they were growing up (and even words from my own mouth on occasion). The reality is that she (Cindy) taught them well and they still turn to her for guidance in raising their families. I often have the blessing of sitting nearby when one of ours reaches out to Cindy for counsel about a particular situation in their home. The advice is usually sound and also makes a difference to those mothers, our daughters, who already have arrived at the answer but seek the confirmation from their Mom that they are on the right track.

Family! Joy and sorrow brought to pass in the same DNA. I am looking forward to a great weekend spent with this marvelous family of mine. I do love the people they are becoming.

Thanks for checking in. More to come soon. See you then.

Random thoughts from the mind that never sleeps.

"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect." Steven Wright

As I was driving to visit some friends in Ridgway Colorado recently I traveled through an area that I had not been through before. Along the way there were many deer and other critters grazing and, apparently, just hanging out near the road I was driving on. It had been raining throughout the late afternoon hours so the foliage and animals were soaked with moisture - though they did not seem to mind. There are many of my acquaintance who live in this part of Colorado, though most of our interaction takes place at church or in the Montrose area. I realized as I was  headed into this somewhat unfamiliar territory that there is a lot of this part of the world that I have not spent time in. My loss.

A few days ago my sweetheart (Cindy) made a comment that went something like, "You would think that after living here for 8 years I would be more familiar with the surrounding area. People talk to me about local geography and I have no idea what the heck they are talking about!" I invited her to ride along with me last night but she had other commitments that made that impossible. We need to spend more time exploring the surrounding territory over the coming months and years. If nothing else good comes from the effort at least we will be a little more familiar with where places are and what they look like.

A long time ago but not too far away, it did not take a lot of outside input for us to drive an hour or two to spend some time in the outdoors - exploring those venues that could be reached in that time frame. We knew most of the geography of the area where we had grown up and did not hesitate to go anywhere. Things changed with the introduction of small children (though it should not have) and the big change came when we moved to the Metro Denver area. The motivation to go into the wilds of Colorado diminished as life got busier and pressure to maintain a home and family grew.

Now the nest is empty. It is time to get back out there.

Just a short post today. Thanks for checking in. More to come soon. See you then.

 

"Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one." Dr. Seuss

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go." (Dr. Seuss)

I try to have a positive outlook on life and its circumstances, most of the time. But there are days when it can be a battle to see the bright side. Today could have been one of those days with a cloud appearing over my head. I just returned to my office from a funeral for a twenty-two year old woman who passed as a result of injuries from a roll-over vehicle accident last week. She leaves behind a spouse and two small children in addition to many other family members and friends.

It is hard when thinking of something like this to see any good or positive thing that may come from it. It also is too easy to dwell on all the obvious negatives. Seeing the suffering and pain of the family and close friends of this young woman is a hard thing. To try and provide any comfort or peace is difficult. I think that the simple act of being there provides a little comfort. Words spoken will be forgotten, but physical presence can and does provide a needed reminder that we are not alone here.

A Facebook friend of mine (former co-worker) over the course of the past year went through the experience of watching one of her children slowly die. She posted this thought a month or so following her daughters death.

    "We all grieve differently, I understand that. But I get tired of being treated like I am broken because I've lost a child. I'm sometimes sad or angry, but choose to be grateful. I choose to honor the time I've been given, my other children, and most of all Mia's memory by consciously searching for positive thoughts and memories and enjoying the new positive memories I get to make each day. Some days it's harder than others but I choose to live, not wallow, because Mia would be very mad if I wasted the opportunity to be happy. I'll see her again and know she understand and be glad I choose to live."

                                                                                                                  Jennelle TerHar Ertl

I have not had to endure anything akin to the loss of one of our children. I agree wholeheartedly with the often used quote that "A parent should never have to bury one of their children." Having read the post on Jenelle's Facebook wall I was moved to ponder if I would have the strength to endure such an occurrence with the same uplifting attitude. I like to believe that I would. And thank you Jennelle for sharing the journey that began for you and your family nearly a year ago.

I don't know the faith of all who might read these words - but faith in God makes a tremendous difference for me. It is my faith that helps me to have a positive outlook most of the time. Though there are those occasional days (like this one) when things that occur dampen that positive outlook.

Thanks for checking in. More to come soon. See you then.